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Merry Xmas from Maya and Elmo

9.0718474 kilograms

This means that our little Maya now weighs as much as our cat, but more importantly, this means that she weighs 20.5 pounds and we can turn the car seat around. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation, if the child is 20 pounds and one year of age, the seat can be turned around.

No big deal just another milestone. C took Maya to the doctor today for her checkup.

Election Day

Did you vote? To let you delve into my inner dork political self I will let you know something about me. I have always loved politics and the process for creating laws and everything that ties into it such as the media, precinct captains and the Chicago political machine.

Some people have their fantasy football teams or their roto baseball leagues and so forth, but I found something that seems more tangible to me and that is my Fantasy Congress league. It works like fantasy football; you pick your senior and junior members of both chambers and you accumulate points for how far their bills make it.

I came in 27th last year out of 100, so I am hoping to improve better.

My All-stars:

Yes, gotta go with an Independent from Vermont as a selection(and yes I know this is his last term; I need to change that). I am thinking of making some baseball cards with key stats and so forth, but then that would only cement my true dorkness.

In Maya news; she is cutting her 6th tooth, is up to about 12 words and she is walking about 66% of the time. I think by T-giving she will be near 100%. I am hoping that she will be able to cut the grass by next Summer.

The Polymer Paradise

Plastic.

When did the Toys-R-Us giraffe stick its head in the window of my family room and throw up an ocean of primary-colored plastic playthings? My house has become a safe-for-two-and-under wasteland of toys that take up every nook and cranny. We are still trying to keep order so all of our (my) things are slowly being pushed into a two-foot by two-foot patch in my closet that is beneath the toys that we have not brought out yet for Maya.

Did I mention what we bought our little darling for Xmas? I am too embarrassed to even describe it so here is a link. Go ahead, I will wait right here until you get back.

I know I am my own worst enemy. What were we thinking? OK, for those of you that are link-challenged; we bought Maya a 5’ by 5’ by 3’ inflatable ball pit and 200 plastic balls. It is made by a great little company called Landfill’s Nightmare. I may moan about this, but I am secretly excited to see her in it and that is what Xmas is all about as a parent, right? Toiling at jobs so we can get excited about toys that our kid may or may not play with in the end.

I can fully appreciate the war stories that have been regaled to me by my elders: The Cabbage Patch incursion of ’82, the Battle for Furby Hill and this years conflict for Elmo TMX. With this holiday season approaching, I am finding the transformation is almost complete to a full-fledged parent. If I am in Target and I see one of these Elmo dolls I will shiv every last one of you for a chance to give my daughter something that I think she wants, yes, the cardboard box. Trite, but true.

Sorry for the meander. I wanted to talk about the toys in our house. The ball pit is now going to be beside the giant plastic fish, the miniature playhouse, the two cars and the Dora couch. Maya loves her fish. It is built as a rocker and she likes it when I push her around in it across the carpet. She has smaller toys that she plays with (and yes books and toys that don’t make noise and educational stuff so please don’t call DCFS) but I want to focus on the larger items that she really has grown fond of in the past couple of months.


The miniature playhouse sings lights up and has two volume settings for loud and nervous breakdown. Yes, looking at Maya you can see the size of this thing. Also, based on the sign you know who bought her one of her favorite toys. Maya loves this thing and I keep telling her that with a house come responsibility and I plan on making a toy little coupon book for her second mortgage. Learning how to spend beyond one’s limits is never too early.

Well, as an American, she has the house now she needs the two cars in the driveway. Our neighbors and relatives each bought us battery-operated themed cars. One is a Disney princess theme and the other is a fairy tale theme. Again, Maya loves these things, she hits all the buttons that make all the noises and activates the flashing lights non. Wait, let me rewrite that sentence: Maya loves these things, she hits ALL the buttons that make all the NOISES and activates the FLASHING lights NONSTOP.
Another lesson learned. People do not care about what you want when you have a kid; it is all about what makes the child happy.


I call this one the estrogen cruiser and its twin sister (not pictured) the pre-life crisis mobile. Disney is evil, evil, evil. I am terrified when I see the 6 sisters of the Disney clan motoring toward me and my little girl smiling an evil grin as she is slowly assimilated. This thing sings songs and has little sayings like: “Under the sea, la lala”, “One day my Prince will come.” and “Buy more Disney licensed merchandise” Whoa, sorry.

Last up is the Dora couch. This is Maya’s altar. She has voluntarily kissed this piece of fabric more times than she has me. She will kick back and watch Elmo on it or just pull it out and straight lounge not letting her hectic day get to her. As you can see by the picture below, she is not the only one that knows how to get her relax on.


So, no point to this post really; just providing another interesting glimpse into our so called lives. For Xmas this year I am thinking about imposing the airline rule on all presents that they must fit inside a certain box to be allowed entry into our house. Right, I know, I know, I am the guy that bought 25 square feet of inflatable fun. I guess we are all suckers at heart and will do anything to get that little smile.

Halloween

Halloween went well. Maya woke up from her nap a little late and was a little fussy. We put her in her costume and dropped her in the wagon and pulled her down the street to show off to the neighbors. We went to just a couple of houses, it was pretty cold out and we had to swaddle her in two blankets as we went around. Finally, we ended up at a little neighborhood restaurant with C’s Dad and a couple of the neighbors. Pictures below. (Click for bigger version)













Before going home we swung buy our favorite little pub by our house with the neighbors to trick or treat. It is a Tuesday and empty so we had no problem taking them in there (so no calls to DCFS) for a few photo ops. It is a little blurry, but the guy in the middle is the owner.

Michigan

We got back from Michigan yesterday, we were there to visit C’s Uncle and I ran the Grand Rapids half marathon (2:00:46). Yes, that is 47 seconds over where I wanted to be, but I will take it considering I have only run three times in almost the past month. It really is a love/hate thing; I despise running, but I like the feeling of accomplishment and let’s me do things like eat a bag of Halloween candy (more on that later).

It was a really nice time up there. We were able to sethingsgs from the other side of Lake Michigan and actually slow down a little. I took off of work a little early on Friday and we traveled up there with the kid in tow and a car packed full of Portillos (the family are addicts like us), one suitcase for C and I and then the rest was packed with everything Maya. It is ungodly how many things a 15-month old needs. (yes, Maya turns 15 months tomorrow)


This is Courtney's cousin Sarah who came back home to school to hang out with us.

We actually took the time and relaxed while we were there. We went for a nice scenic drive and hung out at the house. I woke up early and left the house about 6AM to drive to Grand Rapids; which is about an hour away. There were about 1800 people running. I took it really slow and ran well for the lack of training. I came back to their house about noon and we watched the bears play. It was one of the most stress-free weekends I have had in a while. Monday was spent cleaning and doing yardwork.


Getting bundled up to go out

Many people have asked me why I run. I do not have a really good answer, like I said, I would rather do most things than run. I like to exercise, but my body is not the Kenyan marathon type. If you ever saw me run, you would be worried. The problem is that I like to eat and drink. We make the same mistake every year and buy 2-4 bags of Halloween candy around the middle of September and then graze constantly. Being home on Monday we (I need to drag C down too even though it is 98% me) finished off the last of the goods so I had to run to the store and buy more. Granted, we get maybe 3-5 trick-or-treaters, we always have the hope that we will be deluged. When they come to the door we overfill their bags with treats like they are our own dysfunctional kids. I run so I can do these things, especially with Xmas around the corner and I need to put on a blubber layer for the Winter.

There are two schools of thought on the whole candy thing:

C: "Oh, you are so cute. That is a precious little ladybug. Here is one for you."
K:"I paid $5 for this little bag of individually wrapped M&Ms...so...Dance Monkey!"

Seriously, what happened to the joke telling? You need to work for it. Just because you slapped on some eyeliner, put on a black turtleneck and called yourself the emo Grimdoesn'ter doesn’t mean I need to give you the goods. You need to work it. If it wasn't for Courtney I would turn kids away because their costumes just are not good enough. Come on, wearing your weekend football uniform does not earn you candy. I would give some kid all the candy in the house (except the secret stash) if he/she came dressed as something original and told an off-color joke or at least one with a few expletives in it


This is from C's Aunt's surprise birthday party that was at a Greek restaurant. That is not a stripper in training, it is a belly dancer. Maya castanets castinets. C is on the right.

Sorry. End of rant. Maya is going to be a witch this year. A good dainty witch with a sweet little hat and a little plastic cauldron for candy. No warts. No fake nose. No eye of Newt. We do have our 6-month report back to China coming up and we need to send pictures to our social worker, I wonder what they would think of our sweet little girl dressed up like a guardian to the gates of hell. Witches can be good right? I guess they can be if they have matching black tights, cute little shoes and an angelic disposition. More tomorrow.