Side Excursions

So, Tuesday was a banner day. We have this brand-spanking fresh baby in the Snugli (or as I call it; the demasculation pouch) and our trip for the day was to a baby boutique and to China’s only Walmart. The boutique is one of those places where you go in and chuckle at the over-priced clothes and maybe, maybe find something cool that you can eke into a meager budget. In reality, you are just paying for the bag with the name when you pass the gift on to the recievevee.

Well the Yuan (Chinese currency) trades at 8 to 1 for the American dollar. So what costs 200 Yuan rings in at a cool $25 American. This knowledge is dangerous when loaded into my wife. It was like the Matrix, instead of loading helicopter instructions into her brain the currency table made her see shopping in a brand new light. A couple of outfits and toys and books later we had our purchases bagged up and ready to go.

On a side note, it is interesting how the Chinese handle lines. They don’t. No matter the store you buy things in when you want a purchase you give it to the staff and they give you a receipt. You take the receipt to the central cashier and pay for all of your items there and then bring back the slips to show that you have paid. The line to pay is non-existent. We were a group of quite Americans waiting politely in our queues as native Chinese would just walk in front of us and out tame ways. More than once we were butted in front of and just took it; after all we were strangers in a strange land. The whole time I was thinking try this on a Saturday afternoon at Target in downtown Chicago and see how long you last.

We got back on the bus and headed to the one and only Walmart. We piled out and were ready to show this pseudo-communist nation what being a Capitalist entailed. We were sheparded to the top floor and told we had to work our way down. We rode escalators to the entrance and were met by the customary greeter, Instead of the gray-haired AARP member you would expect we were “announced” as we walked into the store by a young and stylish (including the blue vest) woman that said things that I was unsure of to their meaning.

Again, as we walked into the store we were stared at with reckless abandon. I am sure it is not everyday that you see 20 Americans with 10 Chinese babies in Snuglies; all having different body types, hair color and mode of dress enter the store. C and I walked in and picked up a few items of clothes and some toys and basic necessities such as water and Chinese Hello Kitty knockoffs and of course wine and beer. Like page 232 of Dr. Spock states: “the best remedy for a long day of abandonment issues is a nice cold Tsing Tao beer”.

Walmart was, well Walmart.

You would think the story would end here at the aisle after aisle of mass-produced cheaply-created goods, but no my friends and gentle readers there is so much more. This was a super Walmart and it had what I can only describe as a deli. A deli so wonderful and exotic that words can not do it justice so I borrowed some pictures from a fellow traveler to try and explain the story.

Now imagine the zoo in St. Louis or Chicago or any other location. Think of the reptile house or the aquarium where couple take their kids on the weekend and feign interest to the 100 year-old turtle named Timmy. “Look kids, Timmy is older than your Grandfather. Oh, how precious and generation spanning!”

Turn the story to China and imagine Timmy in a small aquarium where you can purchase his organs and flippers and shell and that is China Walmart. Obviously, this is weird to us Americans, but this is culture, tradition and dinner to the majority of the Chinese. I came to the conclusion that this is something that I can not process, but I am OK with it for others.

The other big tank I saw was full of Bullfrogs. In the background, you can see the stained remanants of the glass from where these little guys were purchased. I saw a woman point to a bullfrog, like you would have a pineapple cored at Schnucks or Jewel and the attendant promptly cut it in half and harvested the specified organs and legs for the consumer. Yeah Walmart!

Not only were there turtles and frogs in abundance, but you could buy giant dried squid, minnow, living fish, eel, crabs, snakes and other creatures of the sea. Land animals were not immune as well. There was plenty pieces of poultry with heads, oxen, snake and rat to make a nice Tex-mex chili.

All in all, it was freakishly disturbing, pungent and cool as hell. Seriously, there is a whole separate supply chain for Walmart that you may have never wanted to imagine. I am so glad I saw it. The fruit section was equally as intense with fruits and legumes that I never even knew existed.

We checked out to stares and wonderings of many people. At this point our agency had given us a sign to wear around our necks stating that we were there adopting a baby and pumping dollars into the Chinese economy. Most people had no problem coming up to us and grabbing our sign and reading it. They, male and female, would then touch and caress our kids in such away as to generate an Amber alert back in the US. We have become accustomed to this and now expect it every time we are in public..

We checked out and waited for the rest of our group. C bought a pair of $15 sunglasses in a boutique adjacent to Walmart. The locals freaked and treated her like she was Oprah giving her a matching case while two women waited on her. Again, $15 to us is 120 Yuan to them.
This was a great experience and part of a different culture I was really hoping to see. Now excuse me, I have some ostrich jerky to eat.