Recap

It has been three days now and you are probably wondering where the hell the updates have been. Let me say it has been a very crazy 72 hours ever since we received Maya. We both wanted to thank everyone for all of their great comments it is great to see such support.

Well, I am assuming you have seen the video; so you can sort of see what we went through at the actual moment of meeting her. That morning we were obviously super nervous. C actually was picking up the room after herself which was a true sign of nervousness on her part and I had three 3-foot pterodactyls perched in my gut and occasionally flapping their wings.

We, a group of about 20, boarded the bus and made our way through early morning traffic. When we get on the bus we are treated like rock stars everone around stops and stares and takes pictures of us. I feel like the 90s version of Van Halen (not rock star enough to be the Diamond Dave version, but close enough). It is pretty amazing the tension and anticipation on the bus. Everyone has all of this baby gear, but no baby.

Up the stairs and intot the government affairs room we were ushered and all of the babies were waiting with members of the orphanage. We lined up and all tried to pick out which one was Maya, but were unable. One family in our group is of Chinese ancestry and the father of a person named Jeff went up to the caregivers and asn asked which baby was which according to their Chinese names. About 30 seconds after that we were called over to show our passports and were handed Maya. As you could see in the video, we were idiots. I do not remember the whole sequence of events.

We all oohed and ahed for a while before we were loaded back on the bus and sheparded to the hotel for a couple of hours before we went back to do the paperwork in the afternoon. I will be hinest with you, we were scared when we received Maya because something seemed just a little off. She was indifferent to everything and sort of sat there with her tongue sticking out.

Neither one of us said anything, both trying to keep an honest front; but we were both pretty concerned about our daughter. Her motor functions seemed good, her hearing, her sight, everything seemed to check out, but that was part of the problem she seemed "checked out" herself.

At 1 o'clock I left Court to go to a hotel conference room to begin the preliminary paperwork. At this point we were shown the note that her biological Mom left with her and we were given one original item of clothing that was placed in the box in which she was abandoned. We had until 3 to decide whether or not we were going to keep her. Of course we were going to, but like I said before; we were both a little concerned.

We packed up and headed back to the civil affairs office on edge. We completed the paperwork which included a Maya footprint and K&C thumbprints. Each station involved signing our names, providing an envelope and providing a gift-- which we did. We paid the final notarization fee and now in China's eyes Maya is officially our daughter.

We left the office and came back to the hotel still freaking out about everything in general. Maya was still aloof and showed no interest in us or anything around her. We went to dinner with some of the other families and talked about everything we were experiencing. That night was pretty uneventful, she woke up at 2 like the orphanage said she would and we gave her a bottle and put her back to sleep without issue.

The next day we started noticing big-time attachment issue cues. She would not look at us in the eyes; if we tried to look her in the face she would scream uncontrollably. She would hold on and not let go of items we put in her hands which is apparently a symptom hoarding in institutionalized kids. Overall she was a happy baby, rarely cried and just sort of sat there entertaining herself. She would rather be by herself in the crib than with us. This still is a part of the problem.

From what we have read and from what some other people have told us is that institutionalized kids are fighting for the attention of a handful of workers. The loudest and most persistent kids get the most attention and therefore develop quicker. Maya was pretty complacent so we are thinking that she soothed herself to sleep often in te first months of her life. Again, this is armchair child psychology, but appears to fit the bill.

On Tuesday we went to a baby boutique and Chinese Walmart. (I will detail our excursions in another post) Maya was hooked into the demasculation pouch as we walked around. Again, she was a quiet and seemingly happy baby, but paid more interest to the teething toy than she did us. We still hadn't had a smile, a laugh or even a poop. She just kind of hung out with us as we chauffered her around.

On Wednesday it was still more of the same. We stayed in that day because she was still having a really hard time. Every time we look at her she would go into a fit of rage. We fed her, and bathed her and played with her but she still did not really acknowledge our existence. Going into this whole adoption, we knew that there could be a chance that she may be stunted in her development; we read about it and talked about it but it still has taken us by surprise.

Today, Thursday, was somewhat of a breakthrough day for us Maya gave us a boatload full of smiles and even a couple of giggles and seems to be reacting better to our care. She missed her morning nap and skimmed her afternoon one so she was very grumpy and we spent the afternoon consoling her as she raged with arched-back crying. I never realized how heart breaking this type of crying is until you hold this little 17# miracle in your hands and feel her taut like a bowstring and screaming with such abandon that it tears your soul into little pieces. The strength and brutality of these little lung screams is so intense and so crippling that I can only hope they are cleansing in their fervor.

I realized today how much I love my little daughter and how much more I love my wife. We have made some progress in the abandoment issue front, but to to see how C held her through torrent after wave after reckless abandon coming from her our little girl's heart was quite amazing. My wife is an excellent mother. She has been on the job for less than a handful of days but she has taken things in stride and has been trying to make everything fluid and stable as she can for Maya.

I wish I could wrap up this post by saying that everything is great and we are bonded and perfectly attached. But we are not, we have a lot of work to do, more than we may have expected, but we will move on. It is amazing the things that can come out of pure love. At the core of your system and relationship with a child there is a connection that is inherently unseverable and pure in its nature. Until this week I have never fully inderstood the lengths a parent will go through for their child to make sure that he/she is OK. The worry, the hope, the fears of live are always surmountable if their is base love.

We have a long way to go and I know the travel will be rough, but I know I am ready and with the love of C we will do this and Maya, Courtney and I will all be better people for it. I/we can not even convey how much your warm wishes mean to us. China is an amazing place full of many great things but we are ready to come home to our family and friends and the support that is there. Sorry for going into cheese mode, but it has been a hectic and emotionally draining week for the three of us.